


day seven–afternoon / squahamish

by lutalica_x



Category: The Half of It (2020)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:28:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24011308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lutalica_x/pseuds/lutalica_x
Summary: The movie, from Aster’s point of view. Or: what Aster thinks of Ellie Chu, and how she starts on the path to becoming the kind of someone she wants to be.
Relationships: Ellie Chu & Aster Flores, Ellie Chu/Aster Flores
Comments: 23
Kudos: 260





	day seven–afternoon / squahamish

_“So, I’m like a lot of people, which makes me kind of no one.”_

==

Aster Flores was top of the social ladder and Ellie Chu was… not. So why, _why_ did Aster find herself inexplicably strangely drawn to the girl with round glasses occasionally askew, in front of what must be a sharp eye and an even sharper mind. After all, it wasn’t exactly a secret that Ellie Chu wrote consistently excellent essays for at least half of the class. A- or better, or your money back. She herself never needed the service, but she knew Trig paid for almost all his essays.

Perhaps it was Ellie’s status as an outsider. Aster felt like an outsider all the time, even though she was constantly doing things to make herself fit in. Have popular boyfriend. Check. Go shopping and talk boys. Check. Wear what others were wearing. Check. That didn’t stop people from sliding her curious glances that time she spoke Spanish to her little sister at the yearly talent show. Nor talk about her family’s lack of wealth when they thought she wasn’t listening. But for the most part, Aster knew she was doing well for herself socially. She fit in. She did what was expected. _But_ , says a deep buried part of her, _Mr. Stevens did too, and where did that lead him?_

Perhaps it was Ellie’s firm belief in her non-belief. Almost everyone in town went to her dad’s church on Sundays, Ellie included. But she had made it clear the first time she played that she didn’t believe in any of it and was only there to take the $5/week allowance the church offered. Aster’s dad didn’t mind at all. Music was important to guide prayer, and Ellie was the best accompanist in town. And although Aster lost herself in the music, in praising God, sometimes she wondered: wouldn’t it be nice to not to believe and answer to a higher power? To ask and not have to wonder whether you received. To be able to break free from what was expected because there were no expectations. Aster didn’t have an answer to any of those questions.

Perhaps it was because when she looked at Ellie Chu, she felt like she was watching an artist at work, analyzing the world in a mind lost in its own sea of thoughts with infinite depth, her sometimes piercing look cutting the complexities of the world down into what must be a beautifully clear picture. And Aster felt something else that she couldn’t quite pinpoint. Maybe it was admiration. It didn’t seem like Ellie talked to anyone. It didn’t seem like she needed anyone.

So, Aster feels like it’s almost comical that when she sees Ellie Chu’s papers flying from a bump from her careless boyfriend, she automatically bends down to help. Ellie doesn’t need it. But maybe Aster does.

She realizes she’s never had a proper conversation with the smaller girl.

Ellie introduces herself, like she needs any introduction, like Aster hasn’t been feeling this inexplicable _pull_ \- and _is that Kazuo Ishiguro?_ Aster didn’t realize anyone in this school read his books. She didn’t see anyone at his Powell’s Books signing last year, though people in this town probably weren’t crazy enough to drive all night (and spend 2 weeks convincing their parents) to get a couple of books signed. Maybe Ellie would have been, if they were friends.

The interaction is brief, probably less than a minute. Aster can’t help but feel like Ellie looked guarded, wary. Like maybe those sharp eyes were sizing Aster up and saying _hey who are you trying to fool?_ Aster smiles while leaving, but inside she feels like Ellie Chu must think so little of her, and that thought makes her sad, disappointed. She’s not sure why.

Aster doesn’t have an answer to the mystery of Ellie Chu either.

What she does have though are words on a page. She resolves to dust off her signed copy to read about the butler who maybe fooled everyone a little too well.

==

“ _Remains of the Day. Loved it. All that barely repressed longing.”_

x

Aster has been looking and asking for a sign. But she’s not sure what it means when a letter falls out of her locker. She recognizes it as a _something_ though.

Wim Wenders? Who knew Paul Munsky watched old movies? She didn’t know much about Paul, but she had always pegged him as more of an action brawler movie guy, instead of a classics romance movie guy.

This, this is different. This is exciting. It’s like Paul is challenging her. And she is going to challenge him back. A small part of her wonders if this is appropriate. She is dating Trig. The other part of her allays those worries. She is just going to get to know Paul. He deserves an answer for such a thoughtful, though plagiarized, little note. And an even bigger of part of her thinks: This is a chance to be herself for once. A chance to talk with someone who might actually share a little bit more in common with her.

_Hey who are you trying to fool?_

Everyone, if she is being honest. But maybe Paul Munsky doesn’t need to be on that list.

_\--_

She practically runs out of the washroom. She can go later.

It’s not like she hasn’t heard it before. About her family. Their wealth. Or lack of it. It still stings though. Knowing people are talking behind her back. The idea that she is with Trig for his money. _Maybe it stings most because sometimes she wonders if it’s true._ Her and Trig don’t have much else in common. But no, she knows it’s not true. Perhaps the truth is worse. She’s with him because it’s the _safe_ option. 

She thinks back to the girl standing at the sink though. Ellie Chu. Her grimace at the other girls’ conversation about the horrors of Wenatchee’s GapBody, reflecting exactly what Aster feels when she listens to these conversations (which is more often than she would like). Their shared look. Her small smile. Ellie Chu may think Aster’s trying to fool someone, but Aster doesn’t think Ellie would ever look down on her or her family for not owning their house. And for some reason, this thought makes her feel lighter.

\--

She hasn't had this much fun in _years._ She also hasn't ever been chased away by a butcher. But it was worth it.

“Everything beautiful is ruined eventually.”

Aster reads this and thinks that whatever this is, she hopes it isn’t ruined quite so quickly.

==

_“I like this stroke off to the side. Lonely, but hopeful.”_

x

Paul likes milkshakes. Like _really_ likes milkshakes. He sips it the entire night. Like it’s his lifeline. He doesn’t say much.

SmithCorona likes Hepburn. The _wrong_ Hepburn, clearly, but Aster is having so much fun arguing she doesn’t even care. They have a lot to say, about everything.

Paul is SmithCorona. SmithCorona is Paul. Sometimes people just can’t talk as well in person, right? Maybe he’s nervous. She’s nervous and is probably talking way too much, like an idiot.

Across from her, Paul gives her a big thumbs up and huge grin, like he’s the living embodiment of both those emojis. It feels safe.

\--

Trig is moaning about his grades. When did he ever care for them?

“Well you would too if you’re suddenly failing because you have to write your own essays again. Who even _is_ Sartro?”

 _Sartre,_ Aster’s brain automatically corrects. Aster bites back her response about him being possibly the most influential philosopher in his time and how it was a travesty that even though she didn’t agree with all his ideas, no one else in the town seemed to care. Instead she shoots him what she hopes is a sympathetic look, but probably ends up looking more like a frown.

 _Ellie Chu is not writing essays anymore?_ Well it explains why the class looked more sullen about the assignment than they normally did. She wonders what else Ellie is up to. The girl is brilliant, so probably something much more important and interesting than senior year English essays. Part of her wonders if all her extra time is spent with Paul. Aster noticed that they would sometimes leave school together now, interacting like they had known each other for years. Maybe Ellie Chu hadn’t needed someone. But it seems like she had found someone. Aster isn’t sure how she feels about that, or why she even should feel anything about it. Though perhaps it is odd that Ellie and Aster has seemingly found the same person.

She nods nonchalantly as Trig continues complaining, lost in her own thoughts.

“Hey!” Trig has his attention directed at her instead of himself for once, breaking Aster out of her thoughts. “You could help me, right?”

Aster looks at him, trying to keep her face blank.

Trig seems to take that as a yes. “Yeah! You’re a great writer. You get A’s all the time, easily. I mean, you’re always reading books right. You probably know all about Sartro or whoever. Just this one time. One more A and I was going to pass. I mean, I can give you all of my past essays if that’ll help you get the right vibe.”

 _Sartre_ , she thinks. But she can’t deny that last sentence hasn’t piqued her interest. Trig has never let her read Ellie’s essays, maybe due to his pride. She never was quite sure, nor did she really care why. But she _is_ curious, there is no denying it. Ellie must have some pretty interesting points to say if she has managed to keep Mrs. Geselschap appeased. 

She could read Ellie Chu’s essays. She could help her boyfriend not fail. It’s only 500 words.

“Fine, but just this once. And only because Mrs. G doesn’t seem to mind.” She still likes to follow the rules.

\--

1 AM, the red of her alarm clock glares at her. _When did it get so late?_

She rubs her eyes. In her other hand, she clutches the last in the pile of essays. She has read them all in one sitting. It is _fascinating_ , what the girl’s thoughts were on these different philosophers. And even more fascinating that this is just one of many points of view Aster knew she was defending in other papers.

And perhaps even more strangely…

There is something in her essays that reminds her so much of SmithCorona- Paul. Maybe Paul influenced Ellie. Or Ellie influenced Paul.

And if that didn’t quite make sense because, _didn’t Ellie not start hanging around with Paul until after the letters started, after she wrote these essays,_ well she wasn’t going to think too hard on it. And really, it made sense that they would be close friends with how similarly they wrote. That must be why Ellie and Paul had become such fast friends in such a short time.

Her phone buzzes. A late night message from SmithCorona- Paul. No puppy, no sausage. No thumbs up, no wide grin. It feels _invigorating_.

==

_“Deep down, I probably knew the truth.”_

x

She runs into Ellie Chu in Paul’s basement room. Her jacket is half on, hair a bit of a mess, eyes as sharp as always behind her round frames. Aster can’t quite explain the feeling in her stomach. Mrs. Munsky leaves and it’s just them.

Something about the way Ellie comments on her painting makes Aster pause. The inexplicable pull is still there. Aster _knows_ she wants to get to know this girl better. This is possibly the second time she has had a proper conversation with the shorter girl, if you can count the first, and this time, she is going to make it last a little longer.

They drive most of the way in silence, to her place of solitude. She hasn’t really shown anyone else this area, but she has a feeling Ellie Chu will appreciate it as much as she does. They rest in the water mostly in silence as well, both of them content to appreciate the stillness of their environment. It’s a different silence than the ones with Paul.

When they do talk, each sentence is filled with an ocean of meaning. Aster shares more than she has with anyone in a long time. She gets the feeling that Ellie is sharing more than she normally would too. She wonders if this is how it feels when someone just _gets_ you.

She mulls over how they both must look: the two of them floating in the water in Ellie’s clothes, like gravity has disappeared for the moment. She hasn’t felt this light in ages.

_\--_

Aster decides to drop by to see Paul after dropping Ellie off. She almost forgets that the day had started with her looking for him.

His comment on her painting is… disappointing, especially compared to Ellie’s response. She’s reminded of Ellie’s piercing gaze and the way it seemed to look deep into her soul. _Hey who are you trying to fool?_ A challenge.

She grabs Paul and kisses him to dispel all thoughts of Ellie Chu and her piercing gaze and her ridiculous number of layers of clothing.

If she tries hard enough, maybe she can convince herself that it works.

\--

Her world comes crashing down that weekend. Or at least her _other_ world. The exciting one. The one where she felt like herself. The one where she had felt light, instead of tied down by talks of marriage, and propriety, and plastering that half-smile. 

She should have known that Paul Munsky was just playing with her. She should have known that Ellie Chu shared a deeper bond with someone else. She isn’t sure why, for some reason, the second one hurts more.

And yet. “Aster, this isn’t what it looks like-“ and a glimpse of Ellie Chu’s clearly pained face, reflecting what Aster felt inside. It didn’t make sense.

But it was much easier to stay in the role she had already played for so long than make sense of what she couldn’t make sense of. Or wouldn’t. Her duty was to this role.

From behind her, Trig slings his arm over her shoulder, a heavy weight pressing down.

==

_“Gravity is matter’s response to loneliness.”_

x

_Hey who are you trying to fool?_ It turns out all this time Ellie Chu was the one fooling her.

Ellie is the one who has been writing the letters. Ellie is SmithCorona.

Aster is not surprised. Not really. But she is angry. And hurt. And confused.

So, she paints. Aster pours all her confusion into the blues and reds of tulips and roses. Her hurt into the browns of melancholic eyes. Her anger into the orange of the rising sun. Her heaviness into the lead of her graphite pencils and the blacks of the deep deep ocean.

Aster paints and even though she still doesn’t know what she wants in life, she decides that being the dutiful butler is _not_ one of them.

She adds the finishing strokes on her latest painting without hesitation.

\--

Ellie finds her before she leaves. Of course she does. And although Aster is still angry, she can’t help but feel a little lighter, like their day at her little sanctuary. Ellie is here. Most of Aster’s pain has leaked onto her canvases. She knows she can’t stay mad at her forever.

When Ellie Chu kisses her, Aster laughs. Her lips are soft despite the fierce determination of the person behind them. Aster almost feels like she’s floating. But it’s funny that even with this, Ellie Chu seems to be cutting deep into her soul. A challenge. _Hey who are you trying to fool?_

\--

Aster still doesn’t really have an answer to the mystery that is Ellie Chu. But what she does have is her art, and the future to explore that mystery a little more.

_==_

“ _For what it’s worth, it’s not like the thought never crossed my mind.”_

**Author's Note:**

> This started from reading a post about how Aster clearly liked Ellie before they bumped in the hallway and me wanting to capture that, and then kind of morphed into something entirely different.
> 
> The title of this fic is a nod to how the chapters are titled in The Remains of the Day. Mr. Stevens is the protagonist of the book, a butler who puts dignity above all else. I haven’t actually read the book, so I apologize if I misrepresented it in any way. But if SparkNotes is anything to go by, wow, it makes so much sense why Aster would relate to it so much.
> 
> Also, while re-watching the movie to write this, I realized Aster Flores has a little sister. Can someone please explore this more??
> 
> Lastly, this is the first time I’ve ever really written anything, so any suggestions / comments are appreciated. I’m not sure if the tone stays the same throughout, and the ending feels a little rushed, but it was giving me some trouble. This movie really would just not let me go and do the things I should be doing.


End file.
